My heart will be broken, til we meet again.
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| Cynthia Maue | Stevie's big sister | September 23, 2022 |
I miss you Monko. I love you as deeply now, as ever. My heart will be broken, til we meet again.
My heart will be broken, til we meet again.
| Tanya Richter |
~this was Steve's song and it is brilliant. In the depths of his recovery he found wisdom and insight.
When he wrote this song. I was encouraged that even when his heart was aching and his soul was longing for more from life, that he knew he could turn to God.
Id hit my bottom, was at the end
til God reached down his mighty
hand, and
answered my prayers, when He set me free
So every morning I kneel
and pray
to follow His will for that day
and each night, I thank Him, for
watching over me
It seems too simple, but its true
cause after what Gods
saved me from,
I know theres nothing He cant do
Im just a man, but
a man with a plan
Im following God, to victory
Following His will, Im giving
up my own
Im taking the steps to serenity
To be successful, to be
a man
so deep in sin, wondering who I am
I was just a man, living in
captivity
Day after day, poisoning my mind
I couldnt live, I could not die,
even when I turned to God, I did not believe;
I prayed because some one told
me to
and now after what Hes given me
I know theres nothing He cant
do
Im just a man, but a man with a plan
Im following God, to
victory
Following His will, Im giving up my own
Im taking the steps to
serenity
My mind is clear now and I can see
that God must always
stay first for me, cause
without Him, I havent got a prayer
All of the pain
that I had to endure
I never thought Id be grateful for, but
Now I know God was always waiting there
God Im nothing without
You
God Im nothing without You
God Im nothing without You
and after what
Youve saved me from
I know theres nothing You cant do
Im just a man,
but a man with a plan
Im following God, to victory
Following His will, Im
giving up my own
Im taking the steps to serenity
THANK YOU GOD!
When he wrote this song. I was encouraged that even when his heart was aching and his soul was longing for more from life, that he knew he could turn to God.
Id hit my bottom, was at the end
til God reached down his mighty
hand, and
answered my prayers, when He set me free
So every morning I kneel
and pray
to follow His will for that day
and each night, I thank Him, for
watching over me
It seems too simple, but its true
cause after what Gods
saved me from,
I know theres nothing He cant do
Im just a man, but
a man with a plan
Im following God, to victory
Following His will, Im giving
up my own
Im taking the steps to serenity
To be successful, to be
a man
so deep in sin, wondering who I am
I was just a man, living in
captivity
Day after day, poisoning my mind
I couldnt live, I could not die,
even when I turned to God, I did not believe;
I prayed because some one told
me to
and now after what Hes given me
I know theres nothing He cant
do
Im just a man, but a man with a plan
Im following God, to
victory
Following His will, Im giving up my own
Im taking the steps to
serenity
My mind is clear now and I can see
that God must always
stay first for me, cause
without Him, I havent got a prayer
All of the pain
that I had to endure
I never thought Id be grateful for, but
Now I know God was always waiting there
God Im nothing without
You
God Im nothing without You
God Im nothing without You
and after what
Youve saved me from
I know theres nothing You cant do
Im just a man,
but a man with a plan
Im following God, to victory
Following His will, Im
giving up my own
Im taking the steps to serenity
THANK YOU GOD!
| Tanya Richter |
This is what Steve's brother Jerry said:
On behalf of Steve's brothers and sisters, I'd like to thank you all for being here today. Our brother had such a gentle soul. Several people have referred to him as a gentle giant while expressing their condolences. He was sweet and kindhearted. Even though he was usually far from home, he never missed a birthday or other special event, always sending something from whatever country or island he was visiting. We never really realized how many lives our sweet brother touched until his passing. The emails, cards and letters from people that loved him all around the world has been overwhelming. So many people were touched by his music, kindness and love. He was quiet and thoughtful, keeping much to himself, but he loved deeply. He used his God-given musical talent to express that love, bring people joy, and worship God. While his musical ability was astounding, the depth of his heart was his greatest quality. Steve gave of himself to anyone he could, especially those suffering through addiction. He understood the pain, the shame, the hurt that is part of addiction and he offered his friendship and encouragement to those in the battle. Most importantly, he gave his heart to Christ in 1999. While in recovery, he wanted to memorize scripture but was having difficulty so he recorded them as songs. He was also meditating on some of the characteristics that the Bible says are true of every believer. It took Steve a while to accept that God really saw him that way so he set those to music as well. Victory Acres is still using Steve's music today to bring hope and healing to the men trying to break free of the chains of addiction. He'd written several songs to express his love for the Lord, which you heard at the beginning of today's service. He gave those CD's away for free to anyone that needed to know of Christ's love. With every move, he'd find a nursing home or church mission to perform in because he believed that giving to others was one way to show God's love for them. He worked daily to remain humble and grateful to God for all he had been given. Even though Steve's travels took him far from home, he was constantly on our minds. We prayed for him daily, asking God to give him strength and protection. Monko was special to us in so many ways. He was our quiet, peace-loving brother, which was a great contrast to the 6 of us that are opinionated and outspoken. So often, in big families, disagreements erupt, and believe me, we've had our share. Stevie was never part of them. He did everything he could to maintain peace in his life. He craved it and pursued it in all situations. We all miss him terribly. Since he's been away from home for 25 years now, it's a bit hard to reconcile in our minds that he's no longer out on tour or sailing on the ocean; that he's not performing his music or leading a singalong; that he won't be calling on Saturday. Steve was thousands of miles from home, but he never left our hearts. He was on the other side of the world, but also on the other end of the phone. We spoke with him often and always ended our calls with "I love you." Each one of us has the comfort of knowing that those were the last words we spoke to our sweet, gentle brother. We also believe that the last thing he heard in this life was the Lord saying, "OK, son, come home with me now. It's all going to be okay." We know that he's free of the bondage of this life and that he sees the face of Jesus, and has touched the nail holes in His hands. He's the first of us to reunite with Mom & Dad, who now never have disagreements, illness or sorrow. We know that his beautiful voice praises Jesus in perfect harmony with those around him and that as each of us arrive, he'll be there, welcoming us home to a place of eternal peace, joy, and the presence of God. Steve has finally found his place of complete peace and healing, never to be lonely again. We rejoice with him now, even while our hearts are breaking. We love you, Monko.
| Tanya Richter |
Had to move the words to a new part of the site: This is what I said at the memorial.
I always thought it was odd that a boy who didn’t talk much grew into a man who sang songs and entertained large crowds of people for a living. Perhaps it was his love of music that made him comfortable at the microphone, or perhaps it was an escape from the everyday world that made it worth while. Living life from one city or ship to another since leaving for college in 1985 made him a man of many experiences. Some wonderful and some painful. But during his life he met new and exciting people whether they were at one of his shows, on a ship, in some port or in the current city he called home . Trying a variety of jobs on land, settling into one thing for a long period of time wasn’t in his nature. Always searching for just the right thing , always looking for answers.
On Steve’s journey through his days, he touched many lives. He was a loving son, who loved his mother because to Steve, she made loving her easy. It was unconditional love, the kind you only get from your mother. He lived his life to not disappoint her, but he knew even if he failed some times, that in her eyes and in her heart, he was always forgiven. He was a sibling, part of a large family. He had the role of being the little brother AND the big brother. This could be a task that was challenging at times. How do you love so many people equally? How do you make choices everyone will agree with? Perhaps he wasn’t always the best at showing his love to them and perhaps he made loving him difficult. We all have that in our families. Steve would say, “we are a dysfunctional bunch, but you have to love us for it.” And then would joke that maybe you can’t love us all at once though (depending on who was upset with who at the time.) One thing this family was never missing though was the fact that they all cared about Steve and each other. Perhaps sometimes, they cared too much. But I think that just makes them normal.
Steve had the role of being a band member with the Swing Kings, Lenny Golmoka & The Chicago Push, the Jimmy Sturr Orchestra and many others on a variety of ships. He was an accomplished musician, teaching himself how to play any instrument he picked up, writing lyrics, composing and producing his own music. He shared his gift of music with the elderly at the nursing home, in shelters and in churches. He often filled request of friends to play at birthdays, anniversary’s and weddings. If there was a celebration, Steve’s gift of music would be shared.
With all of these roles Steve had in his life there was one role that many people were blessed with. It was that Steve was a friend. He was this big guy with this big voice, and he had a big heart. He was soft spoken, but when he did speak it was something funny or a great story of some adventure. He liked to listen and then would offer some advice, followed with “but what do I know.” Some conversations were all about Steve, some days or even months would be all about Steve. But eventually it would all even out and the days, weeks and months could be all about you as his friend.
To some, Steve’s life may have appeared reckless, unsettling, and lonely. But to those of us who really got to see him in his life’s journey, we knew that no matter where Steve was he had his faith. All of us have times when we struggle with our day to day lives, we search for answers. I think that in the end Steve was still searching, but he kept his faith and that faith is what took him to his final breath. He was not alone, just as we are not alone even though he is gone from our day to day lives here on Earth.
He is in Heaven singing to his mom, dad and all of the loved ones who are there with him. He is free from any uncertainty and he is celebrating in eternity. To those of us who are left behind to deal with the pain of this loss , we must hold close to our hearts that Steve was blessed with a life of adventure, love, music and the grace of God. May each of you find peace in the days ahead and blessings for your journey. Steve would not want anyone to carry the pain of his loss, he would want that we celebrate his life, with music, love, laughter and free from pain just as he now is. Play on in Heaven dear friend. ~Love, Tanya
On Steve’s journey through his days, he touched many lives. He was a loving son, who loved his mother because to Steve, she made loving her easy. It was unconditional love, the kind you only get from your mother. He lived his life to not disappoint her, but he knew even if he failed some times, that in her eyes and in her heart, he was always forgiven. He was a sibling, part of a large family. He had the role of being the little brother AND the big brother. This could be a task that was challenging at times. How do you love so many people equally? How do you make choices everyone will agree with? Perhaps he wasn’t always the best at showing his love to them and perhaps he made loving him difficult. We all have that in our families. Steve would say, “we are a dysfunctional bunch, but you have to love us for it.” And then would joke that maybe you can’t love us all at once though (depending on who was upset with who at the time.) One thing this family was never missing though was the fact that they all cared about Steve and each other. Perhaps sometimes, they cared too much. But I think that just makes them normal.
Steve had the role of being a band member with the Swing Kings, Lenny Golmoka & The Chicago Push, the Jimmy Sturr Orchestra and many others on a variety of ships. He was an accomplished musician, teaching himself how to play any instrument he picked up, writing lyrics, composing and producing his own music. He shared his gift of music with the elderly at the nursing home, in shelters and in churches. He often filled request of friends to play at birthdays, anniversary’s and weddings. If there was a celebration, Steve’s gift of music would be shared.
With all of these roles Steve had in his life there was one role that many people were blessed with. It was that Steve was a friend. He was this big guy with this big voice, and he had a big heart. He was soft spoken, but when he did speak it was something funny or a great story of some adventure. He liked to listen and then would offer some advice, followed with “but what do I know.” Some conversations were all about Steve, some days or even months would be all about Steve. But eventually it would all even out and the days, weeks and months could be all about you as his friend.
To some, Steve’s life may have appeared reckless, unsettling, and lonely. But to those of us who really got to see him in his life’s journey, we knew that no matter where Steve was he had his faith. All of us have times when we struggle with our day to day lives, we search for answers. I think that in the end Steve was still searching, but he kept his faith and that faith is what took him to his final breath. He was not alone, just as we are not alone even though he is gone from our day to day lives here on Earth.
He is in Heaven singing to his mom, dad and all of the loved ones who are there with him. He is free from any uncertainty and he is celebrating in eternity. To those of us who are left behind to deal with the pain of this loss , we must hold close to our hearts that Steve was blessed with a life of adventure, love, music and the grace of God. May each of you find peace in the days ahead and blessings for your journey. Steve would not want anyone to carry the pain of his loss, he would want that we celebrate his life, with music, love, laughter and free from pain just as he now is. Play on in Heaven dear friend. ~Love, Tanya
| cynthia maue |
today (april 11th) is our mother's birthday. she would have been 73. steve is moms' favorite child. even though i was the oldest and her little helper since i was about 4 or 5 and knew i was special to her, i never resented the super special place he had in her heart-it seemed natural. probably because steve is super special. my mother was a musician- accordian and french horn. she was also a solid soprano. she had the most beautiful voice-until she went into labor w/steve. it was a particularly difficult, lengthy, and nearly fatal delivery. the 36(i believe it was 36) hours of strain on her body and vocal chords destroyed her ability to ever sing again. it's almost as if her gift left her and went straight to stevie. i think that phenomena, coupled w/how close they came to being forever separated during his birth drew her to him on such a profound level. steve and i designed and purchased her headstone. we wanted it to be just from us. since stevie was gone most of the time, i would take care of the flowers for our parents, but he always insisted on sending half the money. that way(he felt) i could always say, " these are from me and steve. we love you." today, i took our momma flowers for her birthday. i said what i always say-'these are from me and steve. we love you momma. we miss you. we'll see you soon." and then it hit me. even though, i've grown accustomed to visiting the cemetary by myself, until today, i never felt alone. we had the same outlook-soulmates, if you will. i miss everything about my brother. but i am craving his commraderie. this is shaping up to be a lonely future without him. i love you sooooooooooooooo much monko, i miss you like no other who has gone before you. i truly can't wait to see you again. xoxoxoxo cyndo
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